ANYONE FOR A HOLIDAY?

We've reached that time of the year when we start to receive phone calls and e-mails from friends and family members who'd like to come over and visit us in the summer. The first firm booking is in the diary for five nights in June - a lovely time to be on Mallorca - and there are already two provisional visits pencilled in for other months.

Unlike some of the expats we've spoken to, we actually love having visitors to stay with us - although, I admit, we've been lucky in that most of ours are house-trained!

Will 2009 bring more visitors than usual? With the current global economic crisis, I think folk who like their annual fix of fun in the sun will be looking for cheaper alternatives for their holidays. And what better than going to stay with a relative, friend, ex-neighbour or old uni chum, who's moved to a Mediterranean hotspot?

But for those expats who really don't want to share their rural homes with visitors from the 'old country', here are a few handy phrases for use in response to any unwelcome requests:

'You don't mind rats, do you? This is the country, after all . . .'

'Great! We're looking for some help to clean out the old well!'

'You won't need to bring a hairdryer or electric shaver . . . there's not enough electricity for that sort of stuff.'

'Actually, our septic tank's leaking a bit, but you don't notice the smell after a day or two.'

'Better bring plenty of mosquito repellent - we're overrun with the damn things this year.'


Personally, I've not had to use any of the above . . . so far.